Sunday, June 29, 2008

Wanted: New Neighbors

I neglected to get this published in today's classifieds, so I thought I would post it here.
House for rent. Located in West Jordan, on a great little street called Cedar Hill, nestled at the foot of the Oquirrh mountains. Available for immediate occupancy.
Please do not apply if you do any of the following:
#1 If your trashcans look like this on Tuesday, and the pickup is not until Friday. You must bring your cans in from the curb right after the pickup and not leave them out 24/7 for a straight year.
#2 You must take care of the property. This sod was planted last summer, and doesn't it just look lovely now?#3 If you smoke, you must not throw your cigarette butts on our property next door.
#4 You must keep your vehicles on your property. Not 6 "abandoned looking" vehicles parked in the street for weeks on end. Not a humongous trailer full of trash parked on our property and blocking the sidewalk. Just your couple of cars, parked in your garage or driveway. Is that too much to ask??

#5 You must not yell at me, accuse me of wrongdoing, or call me an idiot in front my 3 young children.

#6 You must close your blinds when you are using the bathroom, or doing other "private" activities. #7 You must not waste water by scrubbing the asphalt street in front of your house at least once a week, in your nightgown.
#8 You must not have 8-10 adults living in the home, with 4-5 small children as well.
#9 You must at least explain to me why the many women in your household take a taxi everywhere, while there are 8 cars parked outside.
#10 Last but not least, if I come over to put out a kitchen fire for you, with MY fire extinguisher, you could at least say thank you.

By the way, we really do need good renters next door. If you, or anyone you know is interested, please let me know! I can hardly contain my excitement as they are loading their trailer as we speak!


Stacia said...

All I can say is...HOORAY!!!

Jane said...

Dawn, I can't believe you are taking photos of your neighbors open blinds as they do "private activities", I didn't know you were like that! (I would appreciate it if the photo was large and clear enough for the rest of us to see, hee hee, I know that isn't really their window) I am so glad they are out, they were the worlds worst neighbors. Yipee, lets party! And you forgot to mention that if there are 4-5 adult males, the females need not come to your house for help changing light bulbs etc. Ridiculous!

Orr Family said...

I am wondering if You would mind a crazy mother with 4 children and no father for 18 months! I do not know if we would be much better, but we do not smoke, we play outside in the sprinklers enough to water the grass,I hate taking out the trash, and I am lucky to get my trash can to the curb, I only yell at my children, I do hate to admit I love my PJ's though I have been seen taking out the trash in them, I always have my own fire extinguisher I have two boys enough said there, we only have one car, and I hate taxi's. So how much better does that sound?? I have to admit I am nervous to stay in Hawaii for 18 months while Daniel is in Iraq, Maybe we could make the house next to you a vacation home, and we could come visit when we all need a break and drive you crazy! Let us all know how the new neighbors are!!

Diana said...

Sort of sounds like mine, except they own their home. But they don't have a million people living in their house, in fact we aren't sure how many live in the house, we think they might be in the witness protection program, we try and say hi make eye contact and they walk away. But they do leave us nice little cigarette butts every chance they get, so we nicely pick them up and throw them back in their yard.

Chantellebr said...

I think you should make them a beautiful goodbye cake... something in the shape of say a cheerleader.

Katie said...

Oh Dawn. How can something be so funny, and so sad, at the same time??

Maryann said...

Great post! So glad they're moving!!

Liz said...

that was so funny...I had a burst out laughing when I got to the part about the blinds. I really, really, really hope you get good neighbors and glad those old ones are gone.